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Are You on Auto Pilot?

We are walking a path. Each of us, whether we recognize it as such or not. Some call it a spiritual path, others “woo woo”, some just plain life. It depends on the filters we currently have in place, and how honest we want to be with ourselves. For me, I see this as a very wholistic journey. It involves the body (oh, that body feels so much), the mind (where most of our battles take place) and definitely involves the soul, or higher aspect, the integrating of which is the reason for this journey. What we individually call it doesn’t matter. What we experience and how we “grow” from this passage is where the worth will be found.

If you’re like me, sometimes we are aware of putting things on auto pilot. We allow the natural course of things take us where they will, while we sit back and do other things, possibly more mundane things. While it’s not really an inactive time behind the scenes, it’s a time where our mind can catch up. The real beauty of these times is they bring up issues and beliefs that we may not have realized were there, or so deeply ingrained.

I took a multi-year leave of absence from the grunt work. Oh, I was still ploughing ahead in many ways, actively learning a lot, but in one very powerful way I chose to take a vacation.

I’ve always been independent. It was exciting to finally graduate, be on my own, working, making a life for myself. Even during my marriage and while the kids were young, I remained a very independent person, doing MY thing. And that lead me to something even deeper. Self-responsibility. I found myself separated, then divorced. Single…and loving it. I did single very well. I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t lonely. I was well suited to enjoying a solitaire life with my circle of friends and family.

But as life does, it sent me a gift. Was I going to unwrap this gift? What was it, exactly? How would I fit it into my life. Would it change me? I didn’t have the answers but chose to open it and see where I found myself. It was a new relationship. And I dove deep, allowing myself to “be taken care of”. That was odd, difficult and in the end, a disaster looking at it from a human perspective. I was ready to try something a little different and it bit me in the ass. I was ready to be treated like a princess, and I discovered there is no such life. Of course, I blindly plunged right in.

Essentially, I put my other life on auto pilot and allowed others, one in particular, to make decisions for me, trusting them to make their decisions in my best interest as well as theirs. This giving up of one’s power never turns out well, except when we look at it form a distinct angle.

I can’t pretend it was easy, to trust another in this way. It was one of the most difficult things I had ever done. It was humbling. But I had faith that the one that loved me would take care of me. I put all my eggs into that one basket and ignored the nigglings, the doubts, the warning bells. I had put myself on auto pilot and just let the mechanics of the game take me where it would. After all, the universe brought us together, right? How could the universe not care to take care of me. Oh, yes. The humbling path can be sharp and rocky.

I won’t go into the human details. That is not the purpose of me sitting down to write this and share it. It’s not about not trusting others either. It is about trusting yourself, without any doubt, without any other agendas. Just pure, simple love and trust in YOU. I allowed my auto pilot to be engaged for a particular reason. I chose to allow others to decide what was best for me. I consciously welcomed this experience. It got me in a place where I’m still learning many things about myself, and that was my Soul’s reason for bringing me this gift.

I am again remembering that I am a strong woman with a strong sense of right and wrong, balanced to take in the good, the bad and the ugly. I have what it takes to make my way out from certain pitfalls I’ve found myself in. I have my precious intuition that will steer me clear, and open my awareness to things. It’s brought me back to a realization of my grandness, of which I taste more of with each experience I allow. It’s returned me to an awareness of ME. This rite of passage has been difficult in many ways, and continues to be in other areas I’m still integrating, but I know I’m moving toward a final destination with grace.

Putting myself on auto pilot was a choice that took much away from my – in a human perception. It’s also a choice that allowed the integration of so much more. And has opened up the playing field for more moments of awareness. It’s bringing up old beliefs that still box me into limitations. And I’m gaining freedom from them one by one. I will never say I’m perfect, or that I have all the answers. This is a personal pathway I’m walking. Sometimes running or even slipping backwards on. But it’s all moving forward.

We are all here, in our own individual ways. There are some questions we can ask ourselves to see how the journey fares, just to check in once in a while. Are we going through our days mindlessly doing what we’ve always done? Always been told to do? Are we choosing to do something a little different, like taking the other route to work and see what that’s like? Are we letting the heavy weight of demands on us take away our joy? Do we see the soul connection in everything that we experience day to day, moment to moment? Do we feel free or constricted, heavy or joyful? And if we feel mental, physical or emotional pain, what are doing about it? This invitation is endless, there are many questions to ask ourselves to open our awareness to more of ourselves.

But the most basic question at the moment is are we practicing a strong responsibility for ourselves, or are we passing things off, giving our power and authority to others? That whole concept needs investigating. But for now, what’s real is where we place ourselves in the mix. Truthfully, we are the only conscious entities in our individual realities. There are no others that can exist within our personal dimension. Sure, we bump and collide with others’, but we are only responsible for our own, for ourselves. And only we can take care of ourselves, be that physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, or any other –lly conceivable.

What I hope to leave you with today is promise. We are each full of potential. That’s it. There is no limitation within us, except where we allow a belief to grow and block out our own sunshine. Pulling those weeds is a whole other discussion, and one I’m personally working on still. We are all walking in imperfect perfection. There is nothing lacking. And our Universes are always taking care of us. They have to. They ARE us. We take care of ourselves in every moment, and in every way conceivable and beyond. Turn off the auto pilot and take back control of your love, your thoughts, your actions, your internal passions, your answers to others, your choices… We are a people of awesome possibilities. No matter where on the journey we are personally, it’s grand and exciting. Even in the darkest nights there is the warmth of the heart.

Let’s engage fully in this ride. It is ours.

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…But heading to the same destination.

Lots of time has passed between the last entry in this blog and today’s. So much has happened, bouts of weakness, amazing strength, some tears and also laughter. Yes, lots of shifting! We’ve all been feeling it. The energies have been intense for most of this last year, increasing almost daily. How our bodies and minds are handling it all is personal, depending on the day of course, but more so on where our heart’s focus is.

Some days we are so sure of how it is, and the next we question everything. It’s really quite beautiful. There is no truth, and they the true is clear. This is a journey of following that truth and clarifying it on a personal level, which may look very mirky at times. But the appearance doesn’t matter.

It is time to reopen the Expressions files (bad pun intended-sorry). I honestly don’t know where this is going to take me, but I’m invested in the journey. And as it’s been all along this path, if you want to hang out and chat a while, I invite you to walk with me.

Lots of love to each of you. Here we go..

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My son just turned 22, and it shocked him a little. He looked at his birthday card from us and stopped to ask, “I’m really 22?”. It brough out smiles and laughter, as we sat back with full bellies. He helped me make pizzas for his birthday dinner with the family. Yes, from scratch. We had lots of fun with the dough.

Oh, I love making bread and this was an actual pizza dough recipe we were using, not my usual “just throw this in, that in” kind of job. So it was thicker than my normal dough so I knew it was going to be awesome for pizza. We let the dough rise once and then punched the hand-sized balls down. I put them in sandwich bags to chill overnight till we needed them the next day. I like to be prepared

I took the last two balls of bagged dough and headed to the fridge. Eeeek. There is dough oozing out of the baggies. Not through the zipped top, though. No. The dough created its own escape routes. Some bags had many holes of different sizes. It was rather humorous to me, but then I wondered if we’d need to make more dough.

Quick. Think. Freeze the dough. I oiled and piled the dough balls onto a tray and double-wrapped it all up, and made the trip to the freezer. Whew. Crises averted. I  check up on them a couple hours later. They had risen in the freezer and were still soft. Perhaps I rolled my eyes a little, but I know I took a deep breath and just walked away smiling, letting them freeze. It would all work out. I’d take them out to thaw about 2am. And it did all work out. Beautifully, and deliciously.

There are no lessons in life for the Master, but this was a fantastic reminder of who we are. Yes, we’re dough. Our purest form is like dough. And it’s a natural expression of our doughiness to expand. Now, here’s where the interesting thing happens, the thing that consumes us until we realize we don’t need to worry about it.

We have this body that seems dense and very solid to us. It’s not pliable like dough. It’s rather rigid and tries to constrict our doughiness like the sandwich baggies were doing. There is resistance from the bag, our humanness, that tries to fence in our doughiness, to keep it contained. Many of us are feeling this constriction right now where our bodies/humanness and our aware beingness are coming together. There can be a resistance that’s felt as our bodies respond to the expansion of who-we-are. And that can sometimes bring physical issues that we don’t want, like the baggies being popped open like swiss cheese.

What to do? Breathe. Oh, those little balls of zipped up dough were breathing! And they broke through, allowing for their expansion. But as a Master we don’t knead, sorry, need to bust through our physical bodies to be who we really are. Just allowing our light bodies to work with our physical bodies will ease the process. No barriers. No resistance. Allowing all parts of us to ease into this new expansion together.

The light body is something new for most of us, and we’re still learning/remembering that it is ours and how to be with it. But in this doughy allegory it’s like placing the balls of dough on an oiled tray with plastic wrap and foil put around it. It allows for expansion by nature. There is no force, no holding-in, and certainly no need to force our way through to expand. There’s a natural resilience and allowance. It’s all working together perfectly, acknowledging who-we-are to breathe in our expansion.

I hope you enjoyed this funny little experience with me. In the end the pizza we created was wonderful, truly worth all the drama and coming back to the simplicity of just allowing it to expand. Like our journey of Mastery. Just let it happen, without force or restriction, and our expansion is a very pleasant thing. And satisfying. Bon Appetit.

The Article

Like me, most if not all of you thought this blog was dead in the water. Truth is, change has and will never cease to happen. We know this all too well. Only much of the shift happening with me lately has been internal, and at times not even noticeable until later. I’m sure you’re in that same boat too.

A good friend of mine recently encouraged me to write again about the different expressions of change (thank you Marina). So I am. But this already has a different feel. It feels of mastery rather than, “Well, this crap happened to me today and this is how I see it…”. It’s coming from a different place. It’s from a point of view of arriving somewhere and looking down at how the experience now echoes the core of the journey.

Many of you know that I’ve been trained as an Adoula, working with both parent/s and incoming baby on a spiritual level, assisting in creating a soul connection before the baby is born. The purpose of this blog is not to tell you what an Adoula is or does. I wrote an article for that purpose, and have been working with an editor for major western Canadian birthing magazine published locally for months to have it published.

This week I got a phone call from my editor’s editor, explaining that the magazine has been cut in half physically (lack of funding) and that they have no space for my article at this time. She was apologizing for all the hard work I’ve put into it which truly was fun for me. But if I wanted to write a shorter general article on the spirituality of pregnancy, without the focus on the Adoula work, I was welcome to.

Okay, here I could have gone into fear and anger and resentment. But it just wasn’t there. As I was talking with this editor I understood that they still feared a non-existent competition between the Doula and Adoula worlds. They aren’t ready for this connection themselves, and it was showing up with the resistance to this article’s inclusion as the whole board thought it best if they cut my article out. And still I felt nothing but calm and compassion.

The editor was apologizing all over and I almost laughed at one point because she was trying so hard to sooth an argument that wasn’t there, a well-rehearsed reaction for an outburst of rage or even tears I suppose. That was the reason for the phone conversation rather than an email from her. And I did appreciate the maturity to talk with me personally. She was definitely surprised with my response. I could hear that in her voice. And she thanked me for being so understanding.

In hindsight, I was surprised with my response too. Let’s face it. The Jody that I grew up with was a people pleaser. She took what everyone else was telling her to do, without checking in with her own heart, and she did it. No questions asked. She was the “good girl”, not rocking the boat, not causing ripples in the water. In fact, that’s why I got married to my first husband. Not listening to ME and what I felt was best for me or what my choice was. But that’s where life’s experiences come from and how we grow from those past expressions of ourselves. No regrets, because I am a different person today.

When this editor offered the new, shorter article “job” I told her “no”. I couldn’t and wouldn’t do it. I became the Standard for my truth. And it felt great. The old Jody would have adjusted and fit into the flippers she was being asked to wear. Again, no regrets on this choice of mastery.

Then yesterday I received an email from the editor I had been working with. She hoped I wasn’t “too hurt”. Sweet really. haha She finally admitted to me that she “felt challenged by the subject matter with which (she was) so unfamiliar”, perhaps at first, perhaps still. And that’s the truth of it. The Doula world (here locally at least) isn’t yet ready to share the stage it seems. They don’t understand that we can operate together, and for the fuller experience of our clients.

This is such a clear reflection of what is happening all around us on a larger scale. Those who are awakening to the truth of who we are see it, that freedom of trust in ourselves and life in general. It scares those that want things to remain the same. But it can’t. The wave was started long ago and all will surf it. Just takes some longer to trust the waters.

I replied to my editor that there is a ravine between our two worlds, one that I hoped could one day be filled with unity and team essence. But essence of this expression of change is: I have my truth, and I stood my ground without compromising who I am. Not in an argumentative or stubborn way. I just simply said “no”. And that makes the difference.

The opportunity may be welcomed on both sides with a “Hell Yes!”

Rhythms of Beauty

Hi everyone. I wanted to let you know that I have a new blog…

RHYTHMS OF BEAUTY

…and you are invited to check it out. It’s new and doesn’t have many entries yet, but I am looking forward to all that I will experience and share here. It’s about the beauty of our world, the beauty within me, the beauty within those around me. Beauty in the quiet moments and the not-so-quiet ones. It’s about being a sensual being and feeling it all with all my senses. And it is also about the beauty that I express from within.

Hope to see you over in Rhythms of Beauty soon.

Jody

http://rhythmsofbeauty.wordpress.com

I had an experience last night. It all started hours before when Corey, our friend and I went to dinner at a Chinese restaurant. The food wasn’t the best, the typical battered and greasy cuisine, but the company was good. We shared stories and laughed.

Corey, as some of you may know, worked at a Native Band office years before we got together. He became well versed in their way of life and even learned enough Cree to communicate with the odd Kookum (Grandmother) he may still run into. Well, at dinner Corey shared with our friend his rendition of a Native pow-wow song, something along the lines of “she left me and won’t come back” in the old circle dance sound.

So here’s Corey singing, quietly enough, and our friend laughing with him, and me rolling my eyes. Heard this song too many times. But it was all done in humor. Until our friend said, “Just a moment”, followed by some rapid eye movement as she looked up over our heads. I finally figured out what she was meaning when I saw a Native family walk into the restaurant behind us. Corey and I couldn’t see them. But they heard his little tune…

So that’s the background. For the rest of our time in the restaurant I would glance over at their table, smiling at the kids, and notice one of the men staring at us. I knew he was annoyed with what he heard. He didn’t know it was in fun. He didn’t know we aren’t haters. He didn’t know my own children are status Metis. He just knew the older energy of separation and anger and without thought followed it.

We left there eventually and continued with our evening, and we had lots of fun. It was hours later when we had returned home and after a nice long soak in the tub where I was listening to part of the latest channel from Steve Rother, that suddenly felt sick. And I mean ill to my stomach. I couldn’t stand without feeling like I was going to bring everything back up I had eaten that night.

So I crawled into bed, shaking with chill, and breathing into my body and acknowledging the experience, allowing release of this sickness. I tried to sip ginger ale but it made me burp something very foul. I laid back and finished listening to the channel that included some very relaxing, what we Shaumbra call, merabhs. Basically a time apart from the wildness of life, a time set aside for me, to connect with my soul, breathing into potential, all balanced with soothing music.

During this listening I was breathing, not always easily because I was feeling sick, but it was very conscious. I found my hands caressing and cradling my very grotesquely bloated belly. I’d hold my hands wherever a pain was, loving the area, loving myself, and the pain would leave. I’d smooth my hands in a circular motion around my belly in just a gentle and passionate loving way, honoring my body in this moment. Still breathing. Holding love in my entire being for me. And by 3am I was finally feeling a release.

The funny thing is I knew it wasn’t the food or the coffee, or the bubble juice I may have ingested while modeling for our friend’s photos. I instinctively knew that this was a psychic attack from the Native man at the table. He was simply acting out of his fear and decades of learning, but he brought to me a great lesson. He reminded me that the older energies are indeed going to take notice of who is operating in the new. It will “fight” for its place. It will not give up. And I’ve experienced this in a new way now. And I’m damn proud of myself in my awareness of it all. It is awesome that I can see how much I’ve matured emotionally/energetically over the last 20 years, even in this last year!

The expression of who I am and my awareness of the new energies in me is amazing. The gift of this “attack” brought it home again that I am a Creator. I am a Healer. And I am responsible for how I “deal with” it all. I didn’t hide and sulk in a dark corner feeling sorry for myself. I didn’t attempt to send the attack back. I didn’t try to force or push the illness out. But rather I took time out for me. I honored my body, my space and the moment. I allowed the energies of this sickness to be released and transmute. It was all really very pleasant looking back at it.

We are now living in a new era. LIVING in grace. We have bridged an energy gap that even last year was difficult to imagine. The defining lines between dimensions are thinning and many entities are now noticing us with a new curiosity, peeking in to see us, trying to understand what’s shifted. And we may even be noticing them noticing us. It’s incredible really. And it’s exciting.

It can also be a little unnerving if we don’t remember what we know. And we are human after all, so we need to also have patience for ourselves. Still, as I am experiencing, there will be times where we sit back and realize how far we’ve come. It’s not only okay to congratulate ourselves, it’s essential that we do so. This is when we are aware of who we truly are, and that we are much more than the human identities that we see in the mirrors. It’s happening. And we are a vital part of it. Snaps for us!!

If you experience something less than wonderful, know that it too is simply an expression of energy. And one that you’ve created for yourself. Honor it, and honor YOU in it. It’s a wonderful time to be alive. Allow the love to flow into all your expressions. You are worth it!

TIME TO FLY

It’s Christmas. Yes, the general heart-felt greetings have been given and received, but this year I feel somewhat distant to the usual festivities. I don’t mean I’m a bah-humbug scrooge. On the contrary. The spirit of joy and giving and happiness is strong. As is the sense of newness and birthing the new which is traditionally about New Years celebrations. But this year to me the high voltage doorway was the Winter Solstice. And I mean High Voltage.

The energies of us all walking through this doorway of December 21 have certainly created a strong and tangible shift that has been felt by many. And while it’s very early Christmas Day here in Canada, the “reason for the season” isn’t the guiding force for me. Rather it’s the Christ Consciousness that we have all entered into together in a new and fantastic way.

The day after this Solstice was a very difficult one for me. I awoke feeling great. Not excited, but not achy or grouchy or even in a funk. Yet, it wasn’t long until I was met with other people and their dramas, and I began to absorb the energies around me like a sponge. An naive sponge.

If you don’t know what I mean by this, think about a party you have waiting all day for, gotten ready for, and now you’ve arrived all raring to join your friends and have a great time. Only, when you walk through the door your best friend is chumming with someone you don’t know, and you can hear others talking rather loudly in sarcastic tones. The bar tender doesn’t want to be working tonight and his mannerisms show it. A fight breaks out and soon people are pushing and shoving each other. Are you still excited to be there? Are you still feeling the rush of a good time? No, probably not. The energy in the room has changed and you are beginning to take it on. You have become a sponge. And you shove back.

Well, that was me the day after Solstice. I was slammed with this chaotic, angry, and confused energy, and I couldn’t shake it. I didn’t even know where it came from. In fact, it was half way through the day before I realized this wasn’t my energy or my issue at all, but truly the perplexed energies of the old world as if blindsided on its way out and reacting in fear. But by that time I was so invested in the anger and drama I couldn’t even find my way to the exit if I wanted to. I let it roar through me. But I was also acknowledging what was happening on some level, and that’s when I realized it was the mess of energies from the shift.

Breathing with my Self and choosing to release this funk helped but only to a certain degree. At some point I chose to continue to just let it be. I truly understood it wasn’t mine now, however. And throughout the evening I felt it releasing gradually.

The next day was so much better. But I felt like I’d been knocked over with a wrecking ball emotionally. Even my hubby noticed it in the energies on his iPhone gaming communities. Lots of anger and rage. It was interesting to feel this first hand and know it wasn’t mine, and yet be utterly drowning in it. The short wall is such a wonderful place to remain, watching from a distance what is going on without being personally and emotionally involved. That wasn’t my experiencing this time though.

As things shift even more I know we’ll see and feel these energies in stronger and more dramatic ways. And here I don’t mean traumatic but obvious and deliberate. The day before Christmas Eve was a whole new ballgame. It was fabulous. The energies were much different, and no doubt because of my awareness to them and my choice to remain true to myself again. But there had also been a shift “in the air” that I couldn’t ignore.

It was a great reminder that we are energy movers. There was a tendency at first for me to hold the energy in and claim it as mine. Oh, I did that and I wasn’t a happy camper! But once I could allow the energies to move and transmute within and through me, things began to change. And in hindsight I am honored to have served humanity in this way, though next time I think I’ll choose an easy task. ☺

So as we come together with family and friends in celebration, feel into the gathered energies. For the more sensitive this is vitally important. Feel into them and sense firstly if the vibrations are of love and unity or of fear and discord. Next, if they do not resonate with the energy of your Soul, know that these energies are not yours. Of course, it is your choice. We do not need to accept anything that disturbs peace and unconditional Love. But we can be there allowing our Love to resonate, allowing the Standard of our Truth to be there for others to gravitate to, physically or energetically.

We’ve crossed a threshold that was prophesied by the Mayans and many more ancient groups around the world. We have crossed over from the old age into the new world. There will be much shifting to come but it will become easier and easier, especially for us that are aware of how our consciousness is changing.

In the spirit of the season, be there to encourage, breathe with and share Love with one another. This isn’t to walk through the doors of change for them, but to be there with them, perhaps on the other side holding out our hand. I speak metaphorically of course, and there may be things we can physically do to assist, but simply being in our integrity will be one of the greatest gifts for others beginning to awaken now.

And please remember this: If you feel run over with an old energy wrecking ball, be kind to yourself. Breathe your Soul back into your human angel body and allow the energies to move through you. Don’t make them comfortable, serving them coffee and cookies. Allow them to move on through, naturally and without effort or pain.

The doorway to the new way that we all long for is here. We’ve walked through it and we will all experience it differently according to our consciousness levels. We aren’t waiting for some magical New years Day to begin this newness. No, we are already here as there really is no magical day at all. This is exciting and can also be a little crazy at times. Let’s hold our hearts together as we go forward, but also remember that each of us is here, on this planet now, because we chose to be. And we have what it takes to make this shift and succeed.

In honor of each of you, I give you my love and gently push your out of the nest to fly.

And…Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. ☺

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