Archive for February, 2016

For me, at this time, I see the inflow of energies and ensuing upgrades as very, very intimate and personal. No matter if they come on waves of gamma, photons or other radiation, as the human part of us understands, they will affect us in different ways. It’s not the energy that determines what we feel or experience, nor where it is coming from. Rather, it’s the beliefs, old identities and perceptions that have already risen to the surface, raised their hands to say, “I have outlived my purpose in your experience. I’m ready to be acknowledged by your conscious mind and body. I am ready to be understood, appreciated for the gift of my service, be burnt up, and release or integrated.” This is what this energetic upgrading is about.

We are all feeling it. But we don’t all recognize it for what it is. Sooner or later we start to catch on. And when we choose to take an intimate look within and see what’s happening inside us personally, we can get a broader view of it all. And with the awareness of this purging, we can finally work with our bodies, with our minds, to ease the process. Again, that ease will have a different feel and flavour for each one of us.

I want to share an experience. In this past week there has been much going on. Not on the outside, where the human mind sees and articulates, but within. My body has sure been feeling the intensity again. After several months of feeling respite, my joints again started to feel that familiar ache, deep and debilitating. As each day passed, it grew stronger and it became difficult to navigate the stairs, in both directions, without me thinking about taking each step carefully and firmly planning my feet down each time. Funny how things we take for granted normally can become a bigger undertaking at these times. And don’t get me started on driving while having a conversation with someone.

On the inside I’m tackling some hard discussions with myself. Now, I know this may at a deeper level than you may struggle with. I’ve always been very philosophical, and I typically don’t take these thought processes lightly. The choice before me now was like choosing to remain snorkeling among the pretty, brightly coloured fish in the lagoon or suiting on the heavier oxygen tanks and letting gravity take me deeper down into the waters that resist the sunlight in search for a priceless treasure that may or may not be there. The treasure de jour? What is beyond this illusionary life?

It’s a make or break time for me in a way. I sense the realness of it, the gravity of this struggle. As we go along in our awakening path, we attract information to us, experiences, people with keys, clues. And it’s our job to fit them all together as it is appropriate for us. Remember, another’s truth isn’t necessarily our own. But these little gems are offered to us to find our truth.

And I’ve been receiving many gems lately. And following them, finding myself questioning. Now, I have always seen asking questions as healthy, and really the only way to find our answers. So I keep asking and nd I keep listening. Watching. But sometimes it seems like no answers are given. This was what I was experiencing now. Lots of questions without definitive responses. Just more lures and enticements. What is beyond this experience? There really is no such thing as a belief. A belief is only something we create to take us from one space to another, one point in our thinking or acting to another. Incidentally, that includes the beliefs we have of an afterlife, God, creation…

I know the life we live is created from energy, nothing solid, it’s quantum. It’s a mind-boggling thing, but it’s something I’ve accepted for some time now. How far does that carry? All the spiritual stories I’ve been taught are part of that. Stories are usually used as teaching mechanisms. If what I’ve been taught as spiritual truths are also simply teaching devices, then what’s beyond that. IS there anything beyond that? Is there anything beyond this world? This universe? This consciousness?

Yeah, I know. Deep. Yet expanded. Perhaps it’s time to redefine it. Expanded contemplation. Well, this inner dialogue, coupled with these waves of gamma upgrades, I’ve been having an explosive time navigating it all. Ups and downs. Joys, frustrations and numbness. Wine. Those that are consciously on the awakening journey will perhaps relate to this in some ways. Those that aren’t will wonder why I waste my time and energy thinking like this. Again, welcome to the intimate and personal space. I share this for those that are maybe struggling as I have been, to encourage you, and inspire you.

Back to the land of the living, I went for coffee with a friend on Friday. It was a good time, and as is normal we got talking about all of this stuff. Talking it out was good, articulating it in human words what my spirit was grappling with was difficult, and that process was freeing as well. She reminded me to be less stringent along the way, that it’s a flow, an organic flow. My humanness wants to know and understand everything NOW, or better yet, yesterday. But that’s not the way this works when we are choosing the difficult way of mental understanding.

Needing to know what’s beyond, though I’m getting hints and teases, isn’t something I need to comprehend. Especially at this stage.

The rest of my day was amazingly and clearly befuddling – in a very joyous way. I was allowing something to come up that’s been lurking just under the surface for a very long time. Following each stepping stone in my path, I was getting nearer to something big. I could feel it. I didn’t understand it. But it was exciting. And I was getting heavier, and my joints were hurting stronger, and my gut was drawing my attention. I knew there was a big upgrade in process.

After dinner it got worse. Different. Something was definitely shifting. I was getting nauseous again, something I get a lot, but this was distinctive and I wondered if I’d be vising the bathroom tonight. I tried some tricks I’ve learned like drinking water, or eating something salty and saturated in fat. Yes, chips. Sometimes they are a good assistant with integration. But after one little chip I knew it wasn’t the answer. Dark chocolate? No, that wasn’t working either. I lay in bed. Breathing deeply. The nausea had turned to being on the verge of vomiting my now. I don’t get that way often, but this night I could feel a huge purging on the horizon.

As I lay there, I also read a short couple chapters in “Navigating Dimensions” by Lisa Brown, on the subject of partnering or cultivating a strong relationship with your soul. This is something that’s not new to any of us on this journey. In fact, you could say the journey itself IS the integration between the humanness and the soul. The communication between the two will always have room for improved intensity until we are purely One. So as I lay there, I start up a dialogue.

I can honestly say I’ve never felt my soul closer, or more excited about this moment we were sharing. Yes, I know words are limited. Whether I say soul, higher self or over soul, it doesn’t really matter. It’s that part of us that we don’t understand, that we seldom include consciously in our lives. It’s time to invite that part in. And it was such a beautiful communication I had with mine.

Again, words are limited. And the words we spoke together were truly only for my human clarification. Still, I got much from this experience.

The soul doesn’t mince energies, nor words. It came straight to the point. I was feeling awful and I seeking help in handling the energy upgrades. At this point I didn’t realize that what I was feeling was the point, rather than just a “symptom”. My soul said to me, “You’ve always been the deep one. You’re too deep, you miss your answers for the deep digging you do to search for them.” I snapped out of my connection because I wanted to remember this. That mind still wants to dictate and remember how it’s experienced. I quieted it down again and reconnected, and continued the discussion. The way I was feeling WAS the answer to my question of what is beyond. I got the strong answer that I could have left the body at that time, to find out what was beyond.

But at that same time it wasn’t my conscious choice to do so. I had considered a lot that day. Bouncing one thought around, then another. In the end it isn’t thinking that solves the equations. It’s resting. Allowing that the answers are there, and no longer struggling to grasp them. And by the time the conversation was nearing an end, the last thing I heard from my soul was “Lighthearted”…over and over again, with a lilt of laughter in the air of it all. I let the struggle go.

As I look back at the last number of months and all the signs and messages that have come my way, I can see the thread of what’s lead me right to this very place. Of course, it’s been an orchestration of my own – it’s personal. And I can feel into the flow of it now, where as before it was just words and intellectual ramblings.

That night before I fell asleep the sickness I was feeling had already started to dissipate. I no longer needed to take the hard road to get to point B. Shedding beliefs can be that simple. When we allow them to be so. I don’t have a cognitive answer for all of my questions that were flying around in my head. I don’t need them. There is no need to fill a void that no longer exists there. Again it’s not something I can explain, rather something only one can experience for oneself. The treasure of this evening was to let the flow happen in a natural way, without pushing through any veil, and just be joyful and lighthearted with every beat of the heart.

My sharing this is to inspire each of you to continue. Of course, we can’t discontinue this journey once we’ve chosen to embark on it. We can fool ourselves in thinking we can, but the truth is even that is part of the letting go.

I awoke the next morning wish such a different feeling and flow in my body and mind. There’s a freedom, and ease here now. Allowing is a powerful tool we have at our disposal for this awakening and uniting with our souls. Actually, it’s the only tool we have. We can’t force it to happen. It’s not something we will or dictate to be, or plan like an itinerary for a trip. We can only let it flow naturally, following the cues we have created already to be there.

When our bodies or minds start to feel the upgrading and connecting it’s a clue to us to LISTEN. What are we thinking? Contemplating? Resisting? What old patterns are we repeating that are ready to be released? What beliefs are being challenged? Where are we limiting ourselves? Once we have a feeling on it, simply acknowledge it, thank it for serving us to this place, and release our connection to it.

I have shared a little of my recent experience because I know I’m not the only one going through this. If this helps you feeling freer and more natural in how you navigate your journey I am glad. With each piece of who we no longer are is released the more who we are can come in and reside fully in our humanness. Imagine being a human and an angel, right here, right now. There are no words to express what this may look like.

Remember, the journey is your creation. You make it what you will, through your conscious interaction with it, with you choices, with the opening of your heart and the allowing of the natural flow. Even the parts we feel powerless in, it is here because we have created it in our ultimate wisdom. Enjoy it, no matter what it looks like. BE it fully. Flow freely and naturally with all that you attract into your awareness. Love to you.


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For the Love

I am a mom. I have raised three beautiful and talented children. Two are still in my care, and one is on her own. This is what I signed up for, a passion, and I enjoy every moment of it.

But I have come across something many times, directly and indirectly, from others that have not chosen to be parents. Now the “road to enlightenment” is one that is easier walked alone, without distractions and obstacles of others. I will not for one moment deny this, and I do respect those that have chosen this experience. However, we all need to take care not to slip into judgments, and filtering only through our way of seeing things. There can be a tendency along the way to feel somewhat self-righteous or arrogant, not matter which experiences we have chosen and attracted in this spectacular life. It’s natural. It’s appropriate. It is how it was designed. There is no more to say about this now.

I have seen too many parents (usually mothers) who are looked down upon and even criticized for raising their kids the way they felt best, even to the point of saying we’ve wronged out kids and ruined them. This can stir up a lot of emotion for us parents, even when hearing of another’s experience. When these judgments are coming from people who have never experienced giving birth or watching their mate do so, never held their child when they fell from their first bike, never had to endure a critique from a teacher at school on their child, well, this can certainly push a lot of lower vibration buttons. Especially when it comes from others that are on this awakening path.

What I write today is not to vindicate parents. It’s not about pleading with others to open their hearts. As I already said, each divine journey is to be respected, honoured. Rather, I’m here to encourage parents to keep up the great work, no matter what it looks like in their life.

If we are deliberately walking the path of awareness, some may call it ascension or awakening, then I am quite certain our children are conscious souls as well, and have chosen us as their parents. They chose us for our own levels of awareness. We chose them in our love and passion, and ultimate compassion. Now we could argue about whether this was a human or a soul choice, but that is also another issue. My point here is that we chose each other, by contract if you will, for a purpose, a beautiful, appropriate and divine commitment. Of course at times it may look quite chaotic as well, and that’s part of its magnificence.

So I applaud all the other moms and dads reading this. You are a special breed (as we all are). It takes a lot of courage and faith in oneself to go through the great awakening in the first place. Many are only now starting to wake up. But to raise a child in the midst of all this wildness, well, this opens up a whole new level of awareness for us. We feel into each of our children and follow the “guidelines” that are right for them individually. It’s not an easy task to find that balance, and it can come with lots of challenges. But we do it out of love, from the heart. And we do it for ourselves, our souls. It allows our hearts to open, easily and gently, allowing the rest of the world in, in new and amazing ways.

We learn to release and trust the souls that our children truly are. They are floundering on this journey as well. Sometimes we have words of encouragement for them, other times we are simply “just there”. It’s allowing them to follow their own chosen path, with all its bumps and hills and plateaus. Just as we allow that for ourselves.

JLG_0141-13-1.jpgThis is for all of us who have made the choice to give to another, a part of our Family, whether from our own human bodies or from another’s, the precious gift of joint experience. I am full of pride and joy right now, thinking about how we have experienced this journey along the way. It’s no cake walk, and it’s full of so many rewards. We all choose how we come here to participate in this lifetime. Honour the one you made, without hesitation or doubt. That’s it. Nothing else matters. This is your experience and it will help lead you to a grand and fantastical place. And do I really need to remind you all that we are way showers to our children? What a sacred gift.

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Are You on Auto Pilot?

We are walking a path. Each of us, whether we recognize it as such or not. Some call it a spiritual path, others “woo woo”, some just plain life. It depends on the filters we currently have in place, and how honest we want to be with ourselves. For me, I see this as a very wholistic journey. It involves the body (oh, that body feels so much), the mind (where most of our battles take place) and definitely involves the soul, or higher aspect, the integrating of which is the reason for this journey. What we individually call it doesn’t matter. What we experience and how we “grow” from this passage is where the worth will be found.

If you’re like me, sometimes we are aware of putting things on auto pilot. We allow the natural course of things take us where they will, while we sit back and do other things, possibly more mundane things. While it’s not really an inactive time behind the scenes, it’s a time where our mind can catch up. The real beauty of these times is they bring up issues and beliefs that we may not have realized were there, or so deeply ingrained.

I took a multi-year leave of absence from the grunt work. Oh, I was still ploughing ahead in many ways, actively learning a lot, but in one very powerful way I chose to take a vacation.

I’ve always been independent. It was exciting to finally graduate, be on my own, working, making a life for myself. Even during my marriage and while the kids were young, I remained a very independent person, doing MY thing. And that lead me to something even deeper. Self-responsibility. I found myself separated, then divorced. Single…and loving it. I did single very well. I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t lonely. I was well suited to enjoying a solitaire life with my circle of friends and family.

But as life does, it sent me a gift. Was I going to unwrap this gift? What was it, exactly? How would I fit it into my life. Would it change me? I didn’t have the answers but chose to open it and see where I found myself. It was a new relationship. And I dove deep, allowing myself to “be taken care of”. That was odd, difficult and in the end, a disaster looking at it from a human perspective. I was ready to try something a little different and it bit me in the ass. I was ready to be treated like a princess, and I discovered there is no such life. Of course, I blindly plunged right in.

Essentially, I put my other life on auto pilot and allowed others, one in particular, to make decisions for me, trusting them to make their decisions in my best interest as well as theirs. This giving up of one’s power never turns out well, except when we look at it form a distinct angle.

I can’t pretend it was easy, to trust another in this way. It was one of the most difficult things I had ever done. It was humbling. But I had faith that the one that loved me would take care of me. I put all my eggs into that one basket and ignored the nigglings, the doubts, the warning bells. I had put myself on auto pilot and just let the mechanics of the game take me where it would. After all, the universe brought us together, right? How could the universe not care to take care of me. Oh, yes. The humbling path can be sharp and rocky.

I won’t go into the human details. That is not the purpose of me sitting down to write this and share it. It’s not about not trusting others either. It is about trusting yourself, without any doubt, without any other agendas. Just pure, simple love and trust in YOU. I allowed my auto pilot to be engaged for a particular reason. I chose to allow others to decide what was best for me. I consciously welcomed this experience. It got me in a place where I’m still learning many things about myself, and that was my Soul’s reason for bringing me this gift.

I am again remembering that I am a strong woman with a strong sense of right and wrong, balanced to take in the good, the bad and the ugly. I have what it takes to make my way out from certain pitfalls I’ve found myself in. I have my precious intuition that will steer me clear, and open my awareness to things. It’s brought me back to a realization of my grandness, of which I taste more of with each experience I allow. It’s returned me to an awareness of ME. This rite of passage has been difficult in many ways, and continues to be in other areas I’m still integrating, but I know I’m moving toward a final destination with grace.

Putting myself on auto pilot was a choice that took much away from my – in a human perception. It’s also a choice that allowed the integration of so much more. And has opened up the playing field for more moments of awareness. It’s bringing up old beliefs that still box me into limitations. And I’m gaining freedom from them one by one. I will never say I’m perfect, or that I have all the answers. This is a personal pathway I’m walking. Sometimes running or even slipping backwards on. But it’s all moving forward.

We are all here, in our own individual ways. There are some questions we can ask ourselves to see how the journey fares, just to check in once in a while. Are we going through our days mindlessly doing what we’ve always done? Always been told to do? Are we choosing to do something a little different, like taking the other route to work and see what that’s like? Are we letting the heavy weight of demands on us take away our joy? Do we see the soul connection in everything that we experience day to day, moment to moment? Do we feel free or constricted, heavy or joyful? And if we feel mental, physical or emotional pain, what are doing about it? This invitation is endless, there are many questions to ask ourselves to open our awareness to more of ourselves.

But the most basic question at the moment is are we practicing a strong responsibility for ourselves, or are we passing things off, giving our power and authority to others? That whole concept needs investigating. But for now, what’s real is where we place ourselves in the mix. Truthfully, we are the only conscious entities in our individual realities. There are no others that can exist within our personal dimension. Sure, we bump and collide with others’, but we are only responsible for our own, for ourselves. And only we can take care of ourselves, be that physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, or any other –lly conceivable.

What I hope to leave you with today is promise. We are each full of potential. That’s it. There is no limitation within us, except where we allow a belief to grow and block out our own sunshine. Pulling those weeds is a whole other discussion, and one I’m personally working on still. We are all walking in imperfect perfection. There is nothing lacking. And our Universes are always taking care of us. They have to. They ARE us. We take care of ourselves in every moment, and in every way conceivable and beyond. Turn off the auto pilot and take back control of your love, your thoughts, your actions, your internal passions, your answers to others, your choices… We are a people of awesome possibilities. No matter where on the journey we are personally, it’s grand and exciting. Even in the darkest nights there is the warmth of the heart.

Let’s engage fully in this ride. It is ours.

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…But heading to the same destination.

Lots of time has passed between the last entry in this blog and today’s. So much has happened, bouts of weakness, amazing strength, some tears and also laughter. Yes, lots of shifting! We’ve all been feeling it. The energies have been intense for most of this last year, increasing almost daily. How our bodies and minds are handling it all is personal, depending on the day of course, but more so on where our heart’s focus is.

Some days we are so sure of how it is, and the next we question everything. It’s really quite beautiful. There is no truth, and they the true is clear. This is a journey of following that truth and clarifying it on a personal level, which may look very mirky at times. But the appearance doesn’t matter.

It is time to reopen the Expressions files (bad pun intended-sorry). I honestly don’t know where this is going to take me, but I’m invested in the journey. And as it’s been all along this path, if you want to hang out and chat a while, I invite you to walk with me.

Lots of love to each of you. Here we go..

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