Archive for October, 2011

In Joy

I’ve been back home from the Garden Island now for a few days and truth be told I … I miss the sunshine and beaches!  Haha  But then, who doesn’t when they return home from a fabulous vacation?  While I was away a good friend shared an email with me.  The gist of the message was that no matter what happens in your life that encourages complaining or whining, give thanks for that situation.  There is an abundance of something in your life that has allowed for that circumstance to have taken place.  For instance, burning badly in the Kauai sun.  That can be painful.  But the truth is that if we weren’t in Paradise to begin with the sunburn could never have happened. 

Along the same vein, I have another story to share.  I have never been boogie boarding in my life.   But one day at the beach I decided it was time to give it a whirl.  The rest of the gang was having fun on the boards, and I wanted to try it too.  Well, the first go was awesome.  With my Dad’s assisting push I caught the wave at just the right time and glided all the way to the beach.  It was a ride I wanted to repeat.  So up I stood, grabbed the board and gradually made my way back into deeper waters, navigating the waves as they came and pushed me a few steps back to shore, then pushing my own way deeper again.

And so I prepared to catch the next wave.  I held the board facing the beach, and looking back to watch the coming waves for the perfect one, I waited.  Then I took my chance.  I was on the wave again.  But something happened this time, and the tip of my board went down into the water, jarring on the bottom of the ocean and then slamming the back end of the board into my lower ribs.  Ouch!  Still, the strong (and stubborn) Ukrainian that I am, I caught my breath and tried for another couple of waves before giving in to the chest pain, and sat it out on the beach. 

Now back at home (after seeing the chiropractor) I picked a Mermaid and Dolphin card.  Guess which one I got?  It was the Tranquility card again, as I did before my last blog entry.  This time I read it with a slightly shifted meaning.  I need to take time for me now.  I have to.  I can’t lift, bend, or twist.  I have no choice but to take it easier than normal.  There is a season for everything, and this is my season to take it easy and rest, and recuperate.  (Though it’s easy to NOT take this advice!)  I enjoyed a hot bath while icing my boo-boos.  I was slowly getting the message.

But there was another consideration.  This body surfing incident and injury was a distraction.  I realized it instantly, but a distraction from what exactly?  After I got hurt I didn’t enjoy myself quite as much, though I tried not to let that deter my having fun.  Aha!  This injury was a distraction from having joy and fun in my life.  Not just while on vacation, but at any time.  I tend to be too serious, always insisting that there must be a balance.  But my balance can sometimes lean more toward not having fun.  It’s been so much part of my life that when I’m having fun I end up getting hurt.  It’s a subconscious choice, a belief that I’ve grown up with.  That’s not going to cut it for me any longer.  I choose to enjoy myself, no matter where I am, and no matter what I’m doing. 

My camera was giving me a similar lesson.  I was quite excited about capturing the island on my camera, not to mention my brother’s wedding.  But once I landed, my camera wasn’t operating as I know it should have been.  Images were blurry – and this has happened before (yes, I’m a slow learner it seems).  J  I was taking photos and then cursing as they were all fuzzy and out of focus.  No matter what adjustments I made it was the same thing.  Poor Kauai roosters.  They were mostly in focus except for their heads that kept dancing and bobbing as they pecked the ground for food.  It’s quite funny, especially for a tourist, but very frustrating for a photographer.  Still, I did what I could to take good photos, and most turned out not too bad, and I still enjoyed being there and experiencing the sights.  And that’s what this reminder was all about.

Be in the moment, enjoying fully what I’m doing.  That’s it.  Life is to be fun.  It’s to be enjoyed.  And perhaps, as we turn the page on the Mayan calendar and begin a new cycle, I can finally ‘get it’, and start enjoying life in the grandest of ways.  This is my choice.

I realize there are other issues that can blur one’s joy.  Illness and fatigue can keep us trapped inside a box of doldrums, as can dramas that never seem to relent.  Another side of my reminders would be:   Have I been breathing?  Have I been remembering my divinity?  Have I been taking the time to love and accept myself without judgment?  The past few weeks have been hectic, and occupied with so much activity that these simple foundations have been forgotten in a corner for a time.  And that’s what happens with life.  There is no judgment on it.  There is no right or wrong about it.  Just simple acknowledgment on how it makes me feel, and me making a choice.  Will you breathe this freedom to live and enjoy life with me?

I would like to hear any thoughts and suggestions on how to remember to be in joy at any moment.  I know I’m not the only soul that struggles with this.  And you may also be one that tends to see things through drab and murky glasses.  It’s time to clean those lenses and see the spectacular colours life offers.  We are here for each other.  This may be a blog on my experiences, but I would like it to be interactive.  So please, if you choose, feel free to add your wisdom to this reminder – for all of us.

It’s good to be alive in these times.  There is lots happening around us, and perhaps to us or those we know.  But it’s just a game.  The truth is in our hearts, our souls.  And it is joy that will help us surf above the waves and not have life crush the air out of our lungs.  😉

Aloha and Mahalo!


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Today was the shoud and, as so often happens, Adamus was talking right to me. I know many other Shaumbra were experiencing this as well. The main discussion was about New Think, as introduced by Kuthumi at the Mid Summer Energy Conference in September. I had heard about New Think is from those who attended, but didn’t understand what the concept was. I was anticipating Adamus to elaborate and catch the rest of us up.

As I said, Adamus was speaking right to me. Damn! Seems I had signed up to participate in the New Think already, and didn’t even know it. Sound familiar? The last couple of weeks have been hell. I can’t explain how depressed, angry and worn out I’ve been, smelling makyo all around me from others, being aware of my own bullshit as well (and not being able to emotionally ‘fix’ it). I felt so alone while others are feeling the love, feeling passion, feeling Alive. Even my body was tired. Sure, with all that I’ve taken on mixed with my family’s comings and goings, I wasn’t getting eight, seven or even six hours of sleep per night. My eyes have been over tired, itchy, dry, sore, sensitive. (Could be an eye rash??) I am ready to collapse about 1pm, but when I should be taking a nap to get some shut eye, I choose not to, because I’m not a wimp. I can manage to push myself. The most frustrating part of all this is that I have experienced the opposite of all this, the “good” side, the joy and passion. And not all that long ago!

Another aspect of my experience is that I bought a new oracle card deck. I have the Faerie and Angel decks from Doreen Virtue (still packed somewhere), and as I’m heading over to Kauai soon and will be working with the dolphins on some level, I felt guided by my Self to purchase the Magical Mermaids and Dolphins cards. And you know what? I kept picking the same damned card for two days! “Self Forgiveness”. I considered this and couldn’t see where I had made a “mistake” and needed to forgive myself. Then the second day I read the description and thought about my moving into a new life in a new city with a new partner, and the effects it had on myself and my kids. Yes, in hindsight, if I had waited many things would have been taken care of that wouldn’t be haunting us now. And at times, I have to admit, I’ve seen this as a mistake, even as I knew it was right in the moment. But I have been mentally hard on myself about it. And that’s the issue. In fact, much of the stress and makyo I’m dealing with hinges on this very choice. So when I realized that connection, something released. I don’t know exactly what, but it was there.

Then this morning I pulled out the “Tranquility” card. Take care of myself. Treat myself to pleasures that make me smile. Pamper. Treat. Indulge. It reminded me of being a Sensual Pirate, something that came and went with me rather quick. Guess I wasn’t yet ready to give up the self-punishment. It is interesting that each of these concepts that the cards brought to light are what Adamus also brought up today.

And that’s when I realized that I had somehow already stepped up to the New Think experience without realizing even what that was. So that brings me back to the two weeks of hell and makyo. Does anyone remember what Adamus’ remedy was? Breathing. Laughter. More breathing, and more laughter. Both things that I have loved and enjoyed until recently. Breathwork is laboured now. And laughter is for the moment and then gone, though I enjoy those occasional bursts tremendously.

So tonight I indulged in a bath, and made it my breathing in joy bath. That was my starting place. I am joy, yet it is so alien to me at the moment. I spent some time breathing and talking with a dolphin energy. I hadn’t done that for years, and it felt really good. And as I’ll be in Kauai in a couple more weeks, it was time to connect with the dolphin light, and time to find my joy. This was the purpose of my visit with this dolphin. In Kauai I will be returning to the ocean pure water infused with dolphin light. What exactly was that? And where do I find it? Well, this dolphin said that it’s inside me. Do I not remember? It’s time to find that light within myself.

The dolphin then took me to a Lemurian crystal near Kauai, at the bottom of the Pacific. I couldn’t see it. Oh, I knew it was there, but my eyes didn’t perceive it. So I closed my eyes, and heard the humming it made, and the bleeps and blips that danced with the hum occasionally. I asked what the other noises were. They were the dolphin light and human light melding and mixing with the crystal’s energy. I opened up my eyes again and did see a faint blue radiance, but it was still not in focus. The dolphin wasn’t concerned about it, and put me at ease. And then we played.

Did I mention that I was a mermaid? When I questioned why I had transformed into a mermaid and not a dolphin, as expected, it was because I now had human DNA mixed with my dolphin DNA. He almost winked at me, hinting that this was a clue to finding my inner dolphin light. So as we left the crystal, I held onto his fins and rode on his back as we speedily made our way to the surface. Oh, I could have swam up myself, but I completely enjoyed this ride. Breaking the barrier of the water’s surface, we lept and then plunged deep within it again. We spun in the air, dove back down, and raced along-side a boat. That’s right. And there was a child watching us from the boat. Part of me wonders if I’ll see her when I’m in Kauai, and if she’ll recognize me. That would be so very cool.

As all trips go, it soon was time to part. But before we did, the dolphin said that me and my family would be kept safe. That made me wonder what was ahead. But I will accept that protection and mentalize it in the Old Think way. I asked him if we’d meet again when I’m there. At his acknowledgement, I asked how I’d know. He simply said I’d recognize him by the look in his eyes. So I’m looking forward to that as well.

In the end, a spark has been ignited, and I can feel my joy returning. And yes, it is all choice and how I choose to experience all of this. I know I Am JOY. I know I Am LIGHT. I now know I Am both Human and Dolphin light, having both within me, of land and water. I sound like Ariel’s daughter, Melody. Perhaps I need to sing too. Ouch, that hits a sore note, but one that eventually I will be addressing too.

I would like to leave you with a few thoughts. Remember that we are not just the reflections of a human body in the mirror. We are not simply a ship sailing through unknown waters. We truly are not alone, and we are part of a great game being played out on Earth. Let’s play the game and enjoy the blessings of it. Put aside the sombre seriousness. Play with your Pakauwas (totem animals if you will). Engage in conversations with your true Selves. And engage in the new every day.

Love and hugs to you all!

p.s. For the audio of today’s shoud, please visit this site: http://www.awakeningzone.com/Episode.aspx?EpisodeID=315. The audio will be available at http://www.crimsoncircle.com soon.

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