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Archive for August, 2011

Well, laugh out loud!  What am I afraid of?  NOTHING!  That would have been my answer a while back anyway.  But over the last year I have had my Self look at a very real fear that has consumed me all my life, and understand it in a new way.  I’ve been afraid of ME.

What I mean by that is there is a disconnecting fear from my true identity, my greatness, my potential and my creations.  It’s what Tobias in “What On Earth” called Diviniphobia.  Fits the bill, doesn’t it?  It’s the very real fear of the power we have, and it’s not based on our choices of today.  If it were, this and any fear wouldn’t get even a moment’s attention from us on the path of awakening, because fear is not part of who we are now.

This diviniphobia comes from many lifetimes of experiences, when we’ve done something to hurt others, or to even destroy whole civilizations.  My diviniphobia is a sneaky one.  It’s plagued me all through my childhood and into adulthood.  I’ve been seeing it for what if is more recently, but the how’s and why’s have eluded me.  It’s kept me from speaking my truth in all situations.  It’s kept me trapped in a relationship that was not beneficial for me – until I was at my wits end.  It was making me doubt my feelings, intuitions and my own wisdom.  It’s been keeping financial blessings at a minimum, just letting enough in to string me along.  And it has the potential to keep me locked into a deficient view of myself.

It’s cool, really, that when I began my journey of Self discovery (or re-covery) this aspect from my past was helping to guide me.  She’d send me little packets of blessings from time to time, reminding me I was royalty and had wings of gold.  She assisted me in finding the strength to do what was best for me in each moment.  And she was still there to help lead me to the truth of who I Am.  Not in her experiential past, but who I Am truly in divine reality.  Just what I have been steering myself away from because I feared what it meant.

I feared that it meant I can create everything I choose as fast as I can take a breath.  What if my creation is too limiting, or completely wrong? 

I feared that it meant I can be strong in myself, and speak with clarity.  But what if others still didn’t listen?  Isn’t that wasting energy? 

I feared that I can stand and be a beacon of Light for others finding their way.  But what if they heard and still didn’t change their ways?  I’m a failure. 

I feared that I can be someone others can trust.  Ouch.

It was revealed to me very recently that as Anayah, I was born in Atlantis.  Anayah’s entire life was about being and spreading true love.  In a time where the powers-that-were were occupied with enslaving other beings (human and animal alike), her message was clear and simple.  Love, respect and equality: truths I hold firmly still today.  Her words were unwelcomed by deaf ears who enjoyed the manipulation and control they were unleashing on their unwitting subjects.  They did not hear Anaya’s warnings.  She was removed from Atlantis, and Atlantis was soon engaged in its self-destruction.  Still, she continued to share her values to others who did have ears to listen, on a continent that respected life as she did.  She wrote about the strength of love and acceptance.  She continued to be a great teacher.

When I heard this from the akashic records as told by the Archangel Michael, through Michel Green, my heart’s well of compassion broke open and I cried.  This was what I had been searching for.  This key information was where my fears stemmed from.  I understand now where I get a flare for doubt, giving up, giving in, not getting up again.  Though to the outside world I seem strong and sure about myself all the time, they have still been a real haunt for me, holding me back and laughing at me.  Anayah had been leading me to healing.  And as the complete integration came with this beloved aspect, there were no explosions.  There were no hoots and hollers.  There was just a sweet peace. 

As I have been trusting myself more and more, and plunging into new things, I have been growing in my truth, my power, my influence.  I say YES to things I would have once run away from.  Some things may not be easy for me yet (or rather yet unfamiliar), but I know I will step up to the bat and do my best in the moment.  And excel because I jumped in.  It’s not about trying to do something.  No, this fear was keeping me in the trying mode.  It’s now about feeling into a situation and if it feels good to me, then my answer is YES.

What do I fear?  Nothing!  What a release.  What a freedom to do and be and create and shine.

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Allowing Others to Shift

I remember when I was first Waking Up.  I would be so excited about what I was learning, the new ways of seeing things, the a-ha’s in my life.  I was changing on all fronts and I was, perhaps for the first time, actually loving myself.  I saw my reflection in a whole new way, and wanted to shine that light to others, family and friends, and strangers.

But what was disheartening, and made me doubt the changes I was feeling inside, was that those around me were still relating to the old Jody.  They had expectations of what Jody was like and how she acted, what she enjoyed.  And even more there were expectations on how Jody re-acted to things that were anticipated.  These expectations had such strong energies attached to them that at times I would oblige.  I hadn’t foreseen this part of my transition of awaking my Consciousness.  Why couldn’t everyone else see the freedom I was experiencing?  Why couldn’t they see who I had become?  Why could they only see who they thought I was, their version of me?

I have thought about this stage of shifting from time to time.  Even still I have people mention, probably unnoticed by they themselves, what and who I am, and proceed to act accordingly, not realizing I’m not responding the same way.  It’s comfortable for them to keep their relationship with me residing in the same old spot.  Facebook has made this interesting, reconnecting with old friends.  I certainly am not the same Jody they remember.  But this scenario has allowed me to grow and I no longer hide who I am from them. 

But this part of transition affected me enough that I even wrote about it years ago.  Here is a little snipped from my poem, “Life’s Surprises” published in Letters to Home

 

Here in a sunrise of my life

I am looking back at the moon

At the beckoning of memories from past times

 

While my soul is tugged to new horizons

My heart is yanked back by innocent others

Who long for what we once shared together

 

Let me go

Allow me to move on to my goals

To grow into the me I choose to be

 

But they didn’t see who I was inside, nor the Me I was becoming.  They didn’t because they have their own filters on their soul of Who They Are.  And that still can hold true, even with us, though hopefully to a lesser degree.  We tend to see the people in our pasts being just the same way they were twenty, thirty, or more years ago.  Sure, we know we’ve changed, but we can forget that each individual also has the potential to shift their beliefs, their lives. 

Recently I’ve been getting to know a man who is gentle and kind.  His past contains things that haunt him to this day, as it’s caused a split between him and his children, and others.  The kids are all older now and he longs for the code of silence between them to end, to be part of their lives.  But most of his children still don’t want him in their lives for reasons of their own.  They still see him as the man from their past.  And that is their choice, he realizes that.  But this situation has reminded me that in general we don’t allow others to change, while we ourselves can, and must to be authentic to who we are.  We continue to see our parents or teachers through the eyes of children, or old friends as we knew them seemingly a lifetime ago. 

Let’s be the ones to change all that.  Let’s be the ones who allow others to shift their awareness.  Let’s be the ones to free others form the bonds of the past.  This is our choice, and what we can lovingly do for others in compassion. 

These times of change can be a real torment to those who do not understand what’s happening to them, or the world around them.  They may be resisting the changes, resisting it outside of themselves as well as within.  And when we allow them the space to change the way they think about things, the way they see us, the way they see themselves, that is when we ourselves shift our own vibrations a little more.  And the vibrations of our shifting do affect those around us, and all of Humanity.  It’s a divine gift we have to give – space to grow, to bloom, to awaken into their beautiful Soul-Selves.

For many years, in some cases, we have been allowing this shift of paradigm and beliefs within our own souls, looking in the mirror and seeing a new Us each new moment.  It’s also time now to allow the reflections of others to shift in our own eyes.   Respect the other Awakening Angels playing in the garden of Earth, and honouring them as we honour ourselves.

 

 

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Today I witnessed something.  I was at my desk putting papers into page protectors, when I heard a strange hissing noise from the back yard.  I stood up and peered out the window just in time to see a blurred streak behind the stone wall.  I rushed, quietly, to the back door to get a better look.  There Rowan, our year-old tabby cat, had caught something.  Good mouser, I thought.  That would be the first catch for this newly-freed cat, once house-bound. 

But it wasn’t a mouse.  I soon realized it was one of our neighbourhood squirrels.  Not wanting to go out and disrupt the drama, I chose to watch from inside the house.  Who would win?  As I watched I realized that the squirrel wasn’t running away, just moving enough, from time to time, to get Rowan excited.  Then I saw them on the other side of the wall, and the squirrel is simply lying there.  Was it dead?  Nope.  Rowan would bat it with his paw and the rodent would scamper under the low cedar bush for shelter.  Of course, that drove the cat insane, and he was pouncing into the bush, trying to catch the squirrel.  It was clear to me now that Rowan wasn’t interested in a post-dinner snack, but rather a playmate, at least for the moment.  The little guy made a dash for the lilac tree on the other side of the yard and made it up to a branch for some recovery time.  That’s what I told myself anyway.  That silly cat tried to climb the tree after it!  There he was dangling from one of the lower branches, but then let go.  He’d wait it out on the ground. 

Well, I grabbed my camera and joined Rowan outside to wait it out.  I just knew that little guy was going to be alright.  As I watched, the squirrel would lean back with his eyes closed, like he was ready to fall off the branch to the ground – dead.  But then he would take another breath and was upright again, eyes wide open.  This happened many times.  And he didn’t move when I slowly walked up to where he was sitting on the branch above my head.  If anyone has tried to connect with a squirrel, you know this is not a normal reaction.  I understood it was hurt badly.  And I was overwhelmed with emotion.  I was crying over this tiny rodent.  I wasn’t mad at Rowan, but sad at the loss of this innocent squirrel, and the slow death it was experiencing.  I had to leave the scene.

So, here I am taking on the emotion of a situation that has nothing to do with me personally.  It is something I had only witnessed.  And I should have remained in the house watching, disconnected from the emotions of it.  Does this sound somewhat familiar?  We certainly do take on the emotional energy of other peoples’ dramas, whether we realize it or not.  If we know it’s another person’s energetic pattern and response then we can release our reaction to it.  It is easier to do so when we are aware of what’s happening. But if we are unaware of the situation and truly believe it’s our energy, then it IS ours.  And it becomes part of our own energy patterns. 

Tobias introduced us to the short wall a number of years ago.  That is where we should remain while the drama and chaos play out around us.  Watching, not hiding from it, but from a detachment that enables us to maintain our sovereignty, our center, our grounding.

As we get nearer to that mark of 2012, we are bound to be witness to much going on around us.  Greece, Lybia, and even the United States, among other countries, have been embracing dire times financially.  It’s easy to get emotionally involved and worry about how it will affect us personally, whether we live in these countries or not.  All monetary systems are connected, so it’s a sure thing we will each be touched by these events in some way.  But if we can remain on the other side of the short wall, we can see our way through the rubble that’s falling, whether that be the crash of money, or fear, or simply numbness.  We can then make our way consciously, rather than just going with the waves of unaware masses, to a new system whatever that looks like.

Another drama in our world right now is the lack of food and supplies to certain African countries, and the multitude of deaths it’s causing.  The media pulls on the heart-strings, and invites you out from your short wall to experience the sorrow, regret, and even victimhood of these people.  I’m not belittling what is happening!  What I’m saying is that we are being pulled into an emotional sink-hole where we can then take on the energy of the drama that is not ours.  The media has been well trained to do this.  But again, if we can watch the events on the news from our safe zone, that of our sovereignty, then we can be aware of things from a standpoint of true compassion and trust.  And from here we can even do something more than just watch if we choose.  This is a commendable thing when it doesn’t come from guilt or fear.

This all reminds me of the little butterfly that flaps her wings in a far, remote part of the world, and theoretically causes a tsunami in another.  This dance between Rowan and the squirrel has again shown me the importance of taking care of myself, to watch the world’s events from behind the short wall, and to be grounded and know what is mine and what is not, energetically speaking.  It wasn’t until I chose to be involved, by being up close and personal and taking photos, that I allowed the drama to become mine, real. 

We can remain behind our short wall and still be aware of the natural disasters, terrorism, local crime, and more, and it won’t touch us emotionally.  And at times it may be difficult to be disassociated from the drama around us, especially when it involves those we have touched, know and cherish.  As things begin to come down we may be witness to more and more situations where we are pulled into the emotion or energy of what’s happening.  This is why we must be dedicated to our Selves first, knowing we are grounded in our own Truth, grounding the Light around us, and allowing ourselves to be a Standard for others.  It’s a difficult agenda to be a Standard while also being overwhelmed with the emotional wave outside of WhoWe Are.  It is, instead, much simpler and natural to be that steady Lighthouse shining the Light for those who are ready to see it, and find their own stability by our presence, our example.  It is our choice of view point as we surf the energies of this Shift.

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