Archive for July, 2011

Gazing Into Heaven

I recently finished reading a book by the late Sir Laurence Gardner. He has been a source of very interesting research over the years regarding our ancient and hidden histories, some that hits true, some that plays on the imagination. All in all it’s been a stimulating journey reading his books, and I recommend them to anyone living outside the box. At the end of his latest work, “The Origin of God”, published after his death in August 2010, Gardner caused me to consider something uniquely controversial for myself, and many others I would predict, no matter where on the issue you find yourself.

“ ’Do you believe in God?’ The hesitant, and almost apologetic, response in so many cases is ’Yes, but not in the way he is generally understood’. What these people are saying is that they find it acceptable to recognize some form of universal motivation that is perhaps beyond our present understanding, but that they cannot comprehend this prevailing force to be a god figure. Hence, their answers are generally qualified by adding such further statements as ’What I mean is that I don’t believe in an old man who sits in the clouds’. It might be wondered why these people do not simply answer ’No’ in the first instance, thereby dismissing God before addressing what they actually do believe. “ (Used with the permission of Dash House Publishing)

Wow! What a challenge. This is a question that can bring Humanity to its knees if it’s willing to look into the Heart with sincere honesty. It is foundational and the implications are limitless. Yes, this can only be an individual heart choice, not one based on mass society. We are changing on a daily basis, and it’s evidenced in our beliefs. Yet sometimes we keep our old terminology, changing the meanings to suit how we now relate to them, so that others aren’t offended. Or so we can remain hidden in a world that doesn’t see things quite the way we do. It’s safer and doesn’t raise the alarm bells within certain groups. It’s almost like a secret society when we get together with others that have also changed definitions to words and phrases. Have I had enough of the hiding, being invisible? Wearing the mask of someone I’m not on the inside and expansional part of me?

And the question of the hour: Do I believe in God? It’s not a question between being a Believer or an Atheist. It’s not that limiting in scope. This, for me, is a question of compromise. Will I be a Standard in my Truth and authenticity of what’s truly inside of Me? The alternative is to remain hidden behind what’s acceptable to the general public so that I still fit in – somewhat. It certainly brings me to an impasse. Do I continue using certain terminology so that others feel comfortable? Or do I speak my truth, being true to my Soul, knowing this has the power to divide from those of a different awareness? Feeling into it, the answer is obvious.

It’s not my purpose here to argue for or against any understanding of God. That is a debate which continues in lecture halls, books and churches, not to mention many conversations around Christmas dinners and other family gatherings. This is simply an expression of how I am seeing this play out within my own shifting beliefs. I do not believe in the historical, or modern, God of Christianity or Judaism, bound to Earthly living. I do not believe in a God that separates himself from others, causing judgment, fear, or jealousy.  This is what and who God is in human terms, and I cannot connect with it anymore. However, I honor those who do still choose to believe, for that is their truth. The many gods of Hinduism, Buddhism, and the ancient religions of the world don’t have my faith either, but I can understand what they represent and see these aspects in my life at different times. And these I also honor as they show up in my life, ready to integrate. But I do not bow to them.   So where does this leave my personal Stand?

It’s a tricky business now. For if I say that I am my own Divinity, it is still in relation to a godhead. God is divine. To be divine is to be God. I have become used to saying I am God also. But this too remains in the realm of a religious mindset, albeit with a new perception – and this is acceptable, and one that reflects a shifting consciousness. What I’m contemplating here is beyond the religious understanding, and opens up into an area Humanity is beginning to venture into. Still, at this time there may not be a clear separation, because humanity simply has no concept of what is beyond. Yet.

What I do believe is that the essence of everything is Consciousness. There is an Intelligence that goes far beyond what our limiting words and formulations have attempted to explain. If someone chooses to call this essence God, I honor that choice. As I have said before, this is a personal journey, a personal experience.  My choice is that I Am Consciousness, I Am that I Am if you will. Pure Consciousness is pure Love. This Love accepts everything without judgment or agenda, beyond all rules and dogma. And incidentally, that includes the allowance of shifting beliefs, even one’s own. It’s awareness. In each moment I am aware of Me; my body, my feelings, my emotions, my choices, my relation to others, my relation to my environment. I am also aware of my connection and relation to the Oneness that keeps it all moving on a grand scale. I am aware that the vibrations of my energy and thoughts go out, bringing back to me what matches those vibrations, creating the life I experience in each moment. I believe in my responsibility for my own life. And I believe in all my potentials that I have yet to call into action.

It’s not a redefining of vocabulary to suit my new, expanding beliefs. It’s a total transformation of paradigms, a complete shifting in my awareness with a glossary that vibrationally matches my passions. So in the end, I have released the use of the word God. I have released the old terminology with the new identity I had attached to it. I have chosen to stand out as one who sees her Consciousness as her truth. This is my reality, my conviction. And it brings with it the potential of greater awareness now: Are there other attachments to thoughts and ideas on the verge of retirement, weary of being stuck with a forced adjustment of new meanings? I’m sure there are, and they will come to the surface now that I’ve released a biggy for me in this world of duality.


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As I sit and enjoy my last morning at our vacation condo, I am considering my blog.  I have thought about this space, and you my readers, many times, wondering about what I should write.  And nothing was coming.  But I realized today that I do have something to share. 

When I moved away from the Okanagan (Canada) August of 2009, I longed to move back.  I love the energy of Kelowna, the lake, the mountains, the weeping willows… and all my friends.  Indeed, the plan was to be in Alberta for only a couple years and then return to Kelowna.  Well, as we all know personally, things change.  When my husband and I discuss moving to BC and starting a new life without some of our current undesirable situations, it excites both of us, and we look at the potentials we can create. 

But this time when I drove into my old neighbourhood to see my parents, it was like ‘coming home’ to the small town you grew up in.  Okay, I’ve never had that feeling before having grown up in the large city of Edmonton, so I allowed myself to indulge.  The neighbourhood looked dirty, messy, and largely neglected.  Even the roads are narrow and unfriendly.  Driving through town is another story.  There is so much traffic here now, not like we when we moved to Kelowna in the early 90’s.  There are too many people here.  Too many for the quaint space.  It’s overflowing and I just felt like I no longer belonged here. 

Which is no doubt why when we discuss moving back, I now thinking about other communities in the Okanagan, or other areas close by.  Again, I love this place.  But I’m ready to move on.  Which I have.

Last year I had an experience while driving from Edmonton to Kelowna for some schooling.  It hit me that my move in the ‘90’s was an hiatus in my life.  It was like going back to school to be prepared for the next step in my journey.  Kelowna wasn’t to be my ‘forever’ home, but a springboard to other things.  Tobias has called Kelowna the place of new beginnings, and truly that has been my experience, every time I come for a visit now I realize that.  And although I wanted to move back to the beautiful Okanagan, I may no longer choose that.  I don’t know yet where we’ll end up, but do I know I’ve outgrown Kelowna.  It will always feel like home and as long as I have family here it will be.  But not necessarily where I’ll be living.  …I still feel the Grecian breezes calling to me…J

It’s just quite interesting how one can be so sure of something one moment, and then change with a strong conviction the next.  And that’s okay.  I suppose that’s what this blog is about today.  A change in choice is okay.  Even when I have been adamant about one thing, it’s okay to change what I choose if the old choice no longer feels right

And this is all part of the great shift that’s happening now too.  We are all free-falling into a black hole of uncertainty.  I have heard many people lately mention their expectation of a coming catastrophe of some kind (be it large or small), and being prepared for it.  2012 has affected all of us in one manner or another.  Should I move here?  There?  Stay put?  Should I dig a safe zone underground?  Where arethe safe places going to be?  Should I stock pile for a disaster?  Should I …?  It never stops.  But I understand it’s okay to consider these issues, and plan, or not to plan.  And it’s okay to change your view on it if your past ideas don’t serve you any longer. 

And it’s okay to allow shift into all aspects of my life.  I am free and safe to make decisions that are right for me.  And those choices may change again.  I allow this.  I allow myself to be flexible.  I don’t have to hold myself to anything simply out of obligation!   Oh, that word leaves a horrible taste in my mouth.  So I’ll just toss it out.  I no longer choose obligation.  I choose freedom to make choices that serve me in each and every moment.  I will hold myself to no past choice.  I will hold no others to their past choices either.  As I allow my own shifting, I allow it in others as well. 

This is a time of great upheaval.  And it can cause lots of fear to rise up as friends, family and things leave our space.  But it is also a time of fantastic potentials.  Can I get on top of the bull and grab those horns to steer the beast where I choose it to go?  You bet!  The bull is my creation too.  It’s just an illusion of how I’m riding out this experience.  Perhaps tomorrow I will turn it into a pony, pleasantly trotting in the direction I’m leading it. 

So as I see these times of changing choices a vital and empowering aspect of life now, I allow myself to flow with my heart and soul.  Resistance is futile because that brings only a stagnation of life.  And that’s not what I choose.  I choose vibrant and exciting experiences that allow my soul to soar.  If you see me seemingly flitting from one thing to another in the next while, you will understand.  It’s because I’m following my truth, my heart.  And you can rest assured that I’m doing what is serving me best.  And it is this that I wish for all of you as well. 

Happy soaring on your winds of change…

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I want to begin by sending belated happy Canada Day wishes to my fellow Canadians, and sweet Independence Day celebrations to my American friends.  It’s a good thing to celebrate and have fun!

This July 1st brought a special gift for me.  The day after celebrating and enjoying the fireworks, I was online and found myself viewing videos from Athens.  Oh, the anger and destruction that’s happening there again.  It breaks my heart and it inspired me to write.  When I wrote this poem I thought about sharing it in Expressions of Change, but then reconsidered it because it was just silly and something meant only for me.  Then today I decided to get out of my mind about it.  So I am sharing it with you all now.  There is more here than what immediately meets the eye…



 I sat under a dark and serene sky

Waiting for the booming of the fireworks to begin

To explode with celebration

With remembrance of our unity

To remember our country’s birthday

O Canada


But as I sat, I had no idea

What was happening in another place

That land that still has my heart

Where the sea air tickles the nose

And bids the child within to play

Those ancient memories are now interrupted

For in this land, as I was sitting in my safety,

Their air was being violated

With another booming –

The hollow pop and hiss of tear gas bombs

Filling the lungs with smoke and terror


My Children!

What has happened to you?

My heart cried out

The tears welling up in my eyes

I must have gotten some of the tear gas myself

Why are you allowing such anger?

How is it that there is such chaos?

What of the ways of Old that I taught you?

Are they all forgotten?

My heart aches for what has been lost


I step away from this strange maternal connection

This emotion that arose so quickly

And allowed myself to take

A few…



This is a world different than mine

This is a world different from the past

This is a creation that the Grecian people

Are orchestrating now


With each broken window

With each trust shattered and cast aside

This is their world

Falling in on itself

So that another can be erected

Another of Choice

Like the tarot Tower

What has been accepted

Is now on trial by the People

For the People

This is a country awakening

There is no side right

No side wrong

And I am proud that they are

Forging change


I suppose if these were my children

I would honour their efforts

I would honour their resolve

I would honour their choices

And I would allow them to find their way


From the sacred mounts and temples

To the beaches, volcanoes, islands

This Land is restructuring

Its heart is opening

To release old scars

To heal

To allow the birth of new life


My blessing for this precious

Land of Greece

Is a new dominion

A Day to celebrate Peace and Unity

Where each Greek man, woman and child

Can look into the eyes of friend, kin and stranger alike

And know that they are Sovereign

My Children


It’s not only we who call ourselves Lightworkers or Shaumbra, or those who are awakening, that are welcoming change in our lives.  And it isn’t just those yet unaware of their conscious evolution.  This change is happening in the very heart of the countries we all call home.  And over the past number of months we have witnessed this shift like never before in our current history.  I see this as very potent evidence of the shift we are each a part of.  And to see it on a relatively grand scale, it causes one to see it on a micro level as well.

What I mean is that if such shifts are occurring around us, then what monumental shifts are happening within?  I don’t believe I’m alone in saying that there are days, or even months, when we may feel like we’ve hit a wall and can’t get past it.  We’ve been booting it along at almost lightning speed it seems, and then suddenly we’re at a standstill.  The momentum of our activity (ie. releasing old angers and fears, welcoming in new energy, loving ourselves without judgment, etc.) is urging us on, to continue moving at the same pace, in the same direction.  But there is no more movement, so it seems, and we are disoriented in a way.  And this opens the door to doubt, fear, anger, distrust, you name it to waltz back in and play a bit more havoc with our minds. 

Truly we have not stopped.  We have not ceased the movement altogether.  But perhaps we aren’t looking at the right map.  Perhaps there’s been a change (surprise) and the movement is on a new and different level.   In fact, the new map is interactive, changing with every new choice we make.  It’s good to remind ourselves often that All is well in all of Creation.  Adamus doesn’t throw those words around lightly.  It’s all occurring in accordance to how we’re working it out.  As a collective and as individuals.  It’s all perfect.

I listened to the last message from The Group today (available now at http://www.youtube.com/user/SteveRother#p/a/u/2/PsXBzdoCvKY) and found it quite timely for me.  As more energy and Light are coming in at an ever increasing manner, we can feel quite overwhelmed.  I can strongly attest to that!  I was just talking today with a woman in a metaphysical store about how the energies are very intense and it is more difficult to ground it within us.  Well, it really isn’t that difficult.  It’s just one of those new landmarks on the new map.  The Group reminds us that the energies coming in now require immediate grounding

We usually sit on new thoughts and feelings, see how they mix together and then at some time down the road we will act on them – either throwing them out or using them.  This is a very mental procedure, and there is no more room for that mentality where we are going.  That’s why it’s important to ‘get out of the mind’ and just do it.  Immediately take action with the ideas we get, the a-ha’s that come, the feelings we sense.  There’s no time to ponder away or wait for all the ducks to line up, as they say.  We’re creating what happens next, and we’ve done a very quick and full job.  So really, it’s our fault that things are speeding up.  J  Seriously, the key to grounding this Light is to take action NOW. 

If you have that book in your head and your fingers are itching to start writing, DON’T WAIT.  If you see colors in your heart and long to get out the paints, DON’T HESITATE.  Is there a passion inside of you to do something, anything?  Then do it!  Don’t wait for permission.  You are the only one that can offer that release.  And in doing so, you are grounding the new energies that are here. 

So back to this poem about my beloved Greece, I was moved to write.  I followed through.  And then I kept it hidden on my computer.  That was yesterday.  And wouldn’t you know it, I woke up with a migraine and stiffness and nausea this morning.  Any connection?  I’d say there is.  For me, this is one clue that I’m not grounding the energies through my being, and that includes my body.  This isn’t a mistake, nor is it a punishment.  It’s an experience.  But now that I understand the possible connection, I can use such experiences to help me remember to ground the new thoughts, ideas and feelings I get – Light grounding.

And I’ll pass on this reminder to you also.  When you feel something not quite right within you, take a quick conscious scan of your feelings and inspirations.  Are you being true to them?  Are you speaking your heart?  Are you living your passion?  Always be in the moment.  Believe in your Self. 


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